Counseling

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INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP CONFLICTS

Frequent and continual arguing with spouse or significant other
Lack of communication with spouse or significant other
A pattern of angry projection of responsibility for the conflicts on the other party
Marital separation
Pending Divorce
Involvement in multiple intimate relationships at the same time
Physical or verbal abuse in the relationship
A pattern of superficial or not communication, infrequent or no sexual contact, excessive involvement in activities that allows for avoidance of closeness to spouse
A pattern of repeated broken, conflictual relationships due to personal deficiencies in maintaining a trust relationship or choosing abusive partners

LONG TERM GOALS
Increase awareness of client's role in the relationship conflicts
Develop the ability to handle conflicts in a mature, controlled non aggressive and/or assertive way
Develop mutual respect for significant other in the relationship
Learn to identify escalating behaviors
Make a decision in terms of commitment
Develop the necessary skills for effective, open, mutually satisfying communication, sexual intimacy and enjoyable time for companionship within the relationship.


THERAPUTIC TECHNIQUES
Talk daily with spouse about pre chosen non emotional topics for 5 minutes without arguing
Read: The Intimate Enemy
Make a list of escalating behaviors that occur prior to arguments
Own Avoidance of responsibility for conflicts within the relationship
Identifying behaviors that focus on relationship building
Make a list of positive things about the relationship and positive things about the s/o Identify own needs that must change to improve the relationship Clarify feelings associated with loss of the relationship
Encourage and support building new social relationships to overcome withdrawal and fear of failure
Diffuse resistance surrounding initiating affectionate or sexual interactions with spouse

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION                                          REFLECTIVE COMMUNICATION
I feel ________ (not that, not like)                                       You feel ____________
Because _____________ (not you)                                        Because ________________
And                                                                                        And
I want (or) I wish (or) I would like __________                     You want (or) you wish (or) you would like ___________ 
Is that right?

Listening Hat = mirroring what (s)he said, no defending, no correcting, just repeating (validating)

Solving Hat = Fixing the problem

Which Hat do you wear and when?